Today I recommence writing after a long break. I wouldn’t call it a block rather time necessary to reflect on the past and intensity of previous posts. I’m hopeful the next few posts don’t have the heaviness of previous thoughts rather can inspire, clarify and provide direction.
Almost 4 years have passed since my husband died and now I find myself in the interesting situation of commencing a new relationship. It caught me by surprise as things in life often do, when one is least expecting something. Living a single and independent life these past few years, raising my son alone – well with the help of my friends and neighbours, has been a challenge but liberating experience. To find a man now step in who wants to help, spend time with my son and play an active role has made me reconsider what I want in a relationship.
Previous casual affairs meeting the most primal needs has served its purpose. I also wonder if these will still play a role in my future and begin to imagine a combination of a grounded relationship with one person and others who meet different needs. Can this be possible to respectfully inhabit for all, I wonder? Can one person serve the needs of another fully? Is it possible to again find that one person after having met your soul mate? These are questions which will undoubtedly expose their truths in time but what about the transition stage? The grey area in between commitment to one person fully and the joys of meeting and exploring life with multiple people. Will I find my new ’til death do us part?’